In both of my young adult novels, Chinaberry Summer and Chinaberry Summer on the Other Side, one of the recurring themes is bullying. Spud McKenna is frequently the target of bullying from all directions. A new bully torments him every year in school, his teacher Miss Maude Jones loves to humiliate him in front of the class, and his great-grandmother Pearl delights in her withering, preachy criticism of Spud. Of course, in Sunday morning church services, Pearl’s self-righteous, judgmental self is seated in a pew as she sanctimoniously acts as if she will be raptured to heaven any minute.
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” – Shakespeare. A bully by any other name would still stink. (Yes, there was a bully in Romeo and Juliet—his name was Tybalt. Bullies abound in literature.)
At the inner core of a bully is a trembling coward. One who appears strong, who struts and preens to appear powerful because no one will stand up to the monster. On the inside, the bully fears people will discover the weakling he really is. He alone bullies his victim or relies on cronies to do his bidding, to double-up and amplify the harm aimed against his chosen victim or victims, whom he often blames.
Schools have launched programs to stop bullying, as they should, but the truth is that there will always be bullies. In the military, in our workplaces, in our churches, in athletics and sports teams, in our families, and, sadly, in our schools—whether it’s students, teachers, or administrators. As an educator, during my career, I have worked with students, teachers, and principals who were bullies. They do exist.
Bullying is everywhere in politics, from the bottom of the scale to the White House’s former occupant who continues to insult and bully others without remorse or consequence. Bullying is in television programs and movies. It’s everywhere in social media. Twisted perceptions fill the Internet. Some gleefully encourage and support bullying, so long as it’s not directed at them. Some find bullying funny.
Bullies all have a common denominator: a perceived feeling of self-justification for mistreating other people because they believe themselves as somehow superior, despite their weaknesses and fragile egos. For them, the end justifies the means, and the” means” is a code word for unlimited power to do as they wish, other people’s lives be damned. What is spousal abuse if not a form of bullying? On a grand scale, Vladimir Putin is a bully.
Yes, we create groups to try to end bullying in schools, yet younger and younger children are taking their own lives because they can’t tolerate the constant harassment anymore. They are hounded by endless social media interactions, day and night. Many parents refuse to monitor the interactions of their children on the Internet. In some cases, parents encourage their children to be bullies. There have even been discoveries that it is the parents themselves masquerading as their child to bully a classmate on Facebook.
As adults we need to take a long look at ourselves. Fat shaming. Judging people by their gender, skin color, nationality, religion. Dividing people into two groups by choosing those who meet our approval and those we classify as “others.” Refusal to believe that we all have the right to the pursuit of happiness.
Somewhere along the way, we have lost sight of the word evil. We make excuses for bad behavior and try to explain it away or to justify it. We try to sugar coat it in psychological terms, as if we’re giving the predators a pass for their bad behavior. However, there is no excuse for bullying. There is no excuse for evil. Each of us has one life to live, and it should not be lived under a dark cloud of bullying.
Indeed, we will never rid our society of bullies. They are the unwelcome weeds in the flower gardens of life, growing there only for the purpose to exist and sap the life out of the beauty around them. They feed on their narcissism and the approval of their supporters. Many gardeners have given up trying to pull out the weeds. They have given up on joy.
Yes, we should try to eliminate bullying in schools, but as a retired educator, I also believe we should equip students with life skills to deal with bullies. Those skills will carry students forward from school days to university or technical school, to the military, to the workplace, to marriage, to the annoying relatives who show up at Thanksgiving only to try to force their politics on family members who dread to see them every year.
Bullies are like chickenpox and shingles. They cause days of misery and frequently leave scars. Now we have vaccines against those two ailments. What is our vaccination against bullying? Resolve.
In Chinaberry Summer on the Other Side, Spud grows a backbone. He has finally had enough of his great-grandmother Pearl, whom Sissie compares to a snapping turtle. At the age of twelve, he stands up to Pearl and chastises her for her constant bullying, even though he knows he will likely face punishment. He has no choice. The adults in his family know what’s happening yet refuse to confront Pearl and defend him against her.
Adults need to face the truth. Belittling children, teaching children to be prejudicial, abusing children in any way, abusing co-workers, demeaning women, holding oneself as superior to others—those behaviors are clear forms of bullying. It’s time for those behaviors to stop. It’s time for families to say, “This behavior in our family stops now. We will not pass it down to our children and grandchildren.”
I’m reminded of a wonderful meme I shared on Facebook a while back. There were chess pieces, which hold, of course, different social standing on the game board. The words read, “When the chess game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.” [Exact origin uncertain]
Bullying is not a right afforded to anyone of any age, ethnicity, or social status.
German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was hanged by the ultimate bullies, Nazis, on April 9, 1945, at the age of 39, said, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil. God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”
It’s way past time for us to speak. It’s time to call evil by its name.